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I guess you could say I have been dreading writing this, but so many people have called and said extra prayers that I have yet to respond to. I am in a state of shock, one that I did not think I was going to experience again. When I say again, this is our 4th little angel to go to heaven, our 3rd this year. It has been one of those years that seems like it is never going to end. This little baby was a live and kicking 2 weeks ago, but on Wed. morning I woke up with a need to hear her HB, I don't know why, I was feeling just fine. So I called the doctor and I stopped in that morning with the kids. We had a picnic lunch packed for after the appt. to eat at a park on our way home since I was making them go to the doctor and interferring with playtime:) That is when my world stopped again, our little girl was no longer with us. When it comes to m/cs doctors don't always have answers. I thought I had gotten my answer in April when I found out I was diagnosed with Antiphospholipid syndrome, a blood clotting disorder that was causing my babies to not make it. An answer, yes, that is what we wanted and there was medicine too that would help me carry to full term, yes, that is what we wanted to here.

But, as of right now, the doctor does not think I was on a high enough dose. It is a deadly drug and they were taking their percausions on my dosage since I had no previous blood clots. My heart is breaking thinking that might have changed everything, and maybe I will never know. I don't know what our future holds, we appreciate the concerns, but our future is for Nolan and I to decide. Dakota and Sadi are our life right now and they are what get me through my days:) Thank you all again for the prayers, they are working because as everyday goes by I become more at peace with this part of my life that I am in.